MY PLACE CAN BE BEATIFUL TOO

Today I was walking home and I was really amazed by the weather and how gloomy looking the sky and street looked. I thought I shouldn't complain a lot about the weather in my city because it can be awesome too, I mean look at the photograph it looks pretty good if you love stormy days, cloudy or dark windy days. 

I'm really sorry because I'm not even being loyal to myself writing blogs to have my memories here but I've felt really wordless these days, I don't know what to write but my thoughts of complain about my family.

Now I can say I'm really lonely, I have no friends but it's because I chose not to have them since I have no trust in anybody. I have more time to think and doubt of myself. And videogames.

The photo is blurry because I hurried to take it.

A SHOOT OF MY HEAVENLY WALK LOL

Here you have a photo of my afternoon. My city may not be beautiful, but this quite street got me. :)

THOUGHTFUL WALK

This... Err...I've been very thoughtful about my future and myself, I don't know if I can do what I want to do.
But the problem is that I don't know what to do, I need a purpose these days, I am on vacations this my first week of three and I have to do the internship and I deeply feel I'm wasting my youth.

But the worse thing is that even though I wouldn't know what to do at home, those thoughts were killing me and I just took the closest way out, I was walking to the school where I do the internship thing, then I stopped and thought aboutgoing for a long walk to clear my mind and feel alive, cause I've been feeling dead.

It was great, is not that I felt new. Something made me feel so energized and alive and the song that were playing on my phone were pretty accurate to my thoughts. 

It was different.

WORTHLESS?

I haven't written anything since last year and I blame procrastination, it's the most terrible thing ever!

I don't really care if I am writing to none,I don't care if none reads me and I'm crazy talking to none, I just need to write this, have you felt like blessed and cursed at the same time?, like you hate everything and you're confortable with that at the same time.

I thing this life is driving me crazy, I feel like there are two parts of me and one believes that everything I'm doing is going to be worth to leave this country and look a different life, and that I can bear anything and anyone but I have this part that lost his motivation and hates everything, the trivial and every day  things are suffocating, in that desperation I feel the need to be alone and weird.

I've just had a test a half hour ago about Charles Dickens's "hard times" and I feel like everything has to do with everything, I think I should do what I want but I can't and also do what I don't want but I need to.

I need some rest but I can't, my last exam is tomorrow and I'll have three weeks free, but I have to go to that miserable place where I am internshipping or whatever, what a big waste of time.

I really need to be alone, or at least with someone who truly understands me, so we can sumerge in our deepest thoughts and figure out things.

I feel I just need to do what I think is correct for me, and not to let anyone tell me what
to do, and also not to feel bad if people judge me for the decisions and actions I take.