WORTHLESS?

I haven't written anything since last year and I blame procrastination, it's the most terrible thing ever!

I don't really care if I am writing to none,I don't care if none reads me and I'm crazy talking to none, I just need to write this, have you felt like blessed and cursed at the same time?, like you hate everything and you're confortable with that at the same time.

I thing this life is driving me crazy, I feel like there are two parts of me and one believes that everything I'm doing is going to be worth to leave this country and look a different life, and that I can bear anything and anyone but I have this part that lost his motivation and hates everything, the trivial and every day  things are suffocating, in that desperation I feel the need to be alone and weird.

I've just had a test a half hour ago about Charles Dickens's "hard times" and I feel like everything has to do with everything, I think I should do what I want but I can't and also do what I don't want but I need to.

I need some rest but I can't, my last exam is tomorrow and I'll have three weeks free, but I have to go to that miserable place where I am internshipping or whatever, what a big waste of time.

I really need to be alone, or at least with someone who truly understands me, so we can sumerge in our deepest thoughts and figure out things.

I feel I just need to do what I think is correct for me, and not to let anyone tell me what
to do, and also not to feel bad if people judge me for the decisions and actions I take.