THE INEVITABLE

Let's go to the point, these whole vacations I've doing what makes me feel good but most of the things just make me feel fulfilled for a while and that came to be disappointing.

It took me a while to realize, it's funny cause I've watching some movies that curiously show that kind of wrong feelings, but I realized that there are some other stuff that really matter and I know that it always seems to be like I'm learning the same thing twice or more times.

But I realized something important new about me (which is obvious but sometimes you just don't know) I'm just a 21 old boy that doesn't feel adult enough besause of the fact that looks like a 16 YO and becuase he's short and he also doen's feel young cause he's 21 and  I write this journal and as much as I don't want to call it a journal, IT IS A JOURNAL!!, I've been expecting that someting incredible  happens to me so I can write it down here and maybe to feel smug of my own personal life but the reality is that I'm going to die waiting if don't ever do something. That's no gonna happen by itself.

Yeah! This is a kind of journal and I don't need to live something impressive or special in order to write in my blog, this is one of the things that really mekes me feel fulfilled and I should be doing it more often. 

I feel I can express myself in a better way and I hope I will. I just wanted to share the whole summary of my crappy vacations and of course that's my bad.

A BIG ADVICE

I know, I've been away these last 2 weeks, I blame laziness and emptiness, I have been doing the things I wanted or rather just no sense  things.

I haven't written mainly because I had practically no thoughts, you know I don't care if is not transcendental but I do care about having a special thought but it's all blank.

It's all blank, I've been tireless thinking in loneliness, and how I don't want to see anybody in my class, I don't know why but I feel like tired of them, I would like to go away and meet new people. Well, for me that is like kinda impossible.


But.. there is something that stands out, an little advice that a really experimented men once told me, he asked me 'do you want to know the secret to stay young?', I said 'well, ok'. He said:

1. Don't drink
2. Don't smoke
3. Don't do drugs
4. Do not hate  
5. The last one was something related to hapiness or live the life which I would interpret as live every moment.

That is been stucked in my head these days and I'm trying to get my true me out of myself and do the things that my mind wants to do but my progress is very small but it's progress no matter how small.

Stay YOURSELF!                                                                                                             -Axl

THE EDGE OF PATIENCE

FRIDAY 15th, JULY 2016

If there's is something I can't take It's that someone thinks that he's got the authority (when he's not got it) to tell you whether you can go or not home and the nuts to say you did something wrong in front of people when it is clearly not true but you can prove it. And just to feel greater, mighty if I can say it.

Nightmares, headaches that's the only thing he causes me but I won't let that sit on my chest. He's gonna pay, not by my hands but by someone's, in the future, justice can be really accurate.
That's why I am trying to calm myself down.

It's curious cause as I am trying to believe in people and love each other as I love myself as bible says. I find that people* are not trustable and they can be hateful and depicable but I'll do my best, meanwhile I feel so much hate for that internship idiot.

I left that place being in so much rage but I don't care I alredy forgot everthing there

CONGRATS

MONDAY 4th JULY 2016 (WHAT SHAME IT'S SUNNY AND HOT 30°C)

I have to congratulate Canada and Canadians for Canada's Day this last 1st July.

Myself for aging 21 on Satudarday 2, I'm trying to feel young tho.

And today is 4th July, so happy 4 July to the USA.
 
I got early to internship so I'm making some not to be too early.

FINISHING UP INTERNSHIP EARLIER

THURSDAY 3Oth, JUNE 2016 (31° C SUNNY)

19 DYAS REMAIN TO END THIS FREAKING THING!!!

So I was told that I have 19 days to finish internship and those are great news, it's less than my previous count.

I decided to use this entry to tell you the awful things about internship herebin Mexico.

1.It's obligatory for last year high schoolers and universitarians.

2.Specially in my college you have to do two times the normal requirements, it means 1 year of internship and 6 months of practices (actually you do the same in both but this last one is supposed to be more professional oriented but it's the same awful thing)

3. They don't pay you, which is ok but they at least should give you money for transportation which is much money for me.

4. They treat you worse than and employer, and in my case as a kid from that freaking school.

5. I have to deal with kids and I waste my time and I don't learn what I need cause I don't want to be a damn techer.

DIARY OF THE GUY WHO GETS TOO EARLY

MONDAY 27th, JUNE 2016. (SUNNY 30° C)

Well I got to early to the internship thing.

So exams have just ended today and I couldn't wait for it to end, I kinda answeared the questions really quick, I didn't care if I were wrong or not, I wanted to get my ass out of that place.

And my 4 days vacations have started!!!! 🎉, don't get surprised I'll go to some kind of English workshop in order to prepare us for the certification and also for the French one and then I'll be free, but meanwhile I have these 4 days to chill out and I hope I figure out many things I have to think of.

Like how in the world I'm going to move to Canada?, I mean how am I going to do that? And will I ever be able to get a good job there? 😱  or how am I going to get money to get a house there? Is there any job program? .

Or how or when will I learn Rusian, Norwegian, Danish and German?

Or will I?

Yo know all that stuff, I need to reinforce my Italian, practise English and French.
Practise drawing and learning to drive.

I have short movie project that has been postponed sice last winter vacations, idk if it is still ongoing.

Well that and even more! It's gonna be a thoughtful week. Well at least I'm busy😛.

IT'S GETTING OVER

THURSDAY 23rd, JUNE 2016 (25°)

It's been some time since I last wrote here but well, now school is almost over but I already have no projects, no homework, no suffering.

6 weeks remain to finish the internship and I can't wait more.
Anyway I'll have vacations in 2 weeks more and I hope to get my blog updated at least 4 times in a week.

I want to do a lot of things and you know that story, everybody has a list but just a few actually do what is on it.

Let's believe that I won't be lazy and I will be able to to my mine.

THIS BLOG WRITER'S CURRENT TRAIL

By this time I've been doing lots of things, thinking lots of thing but what is more important, spending much money.

These are the final days of my antepenultimate university year, I've finishing up my projects and homework, I'm half ready for this summer vacations, I've got t on mind the things I want to do but i need to put it on papper 'cause otherwise I'll feel lost.

Next week is the last work day, then i'll just have to go to exams for 6 days and that'll be it. Those are my duties but what about me? am I doing OK?

I'm really looking forward for this summer to be like a kind of fresh start again, I'd like to clear my mind and do things bettert, comming back on August I'll just have three more internship weeks and the torture will have come to an end. I'll have my spare time on afternoons.

But getting back to the summer, I'll hope to definitely learn to drive, improve my drawing skill and my languages, I want to start studying whether it be Russian or Norwegian, photography. Getting back to my Basketball thoughtful afternoons and try to think of my future seriouly, I don't kwon if I´ll study another thing or to work  and my getway to Canada?

I don't know what am I gonna write during these remaining 2 weeks, I feel like there's nothing but the thing that I don't want to do.

By the way I want to annouce my current liking to Troye Sivan's album Blue Neighborhood, I can't say it what happens to me, but I do want to live this small place which I have no future vision of me  in

Please someone tell me I am not too old to be lost in mind, I don't want to be mindless in the eyes of anyone.

What's right with me is that now I know I have to appreciate every single moment and to live every single minute of the rest of my life. But how? are my introvert likes living in the real way?

28°C

This is today's morning
Just before my head is churning

When the air breathes freshness
And there's no sense of messiness
It's even crazy for me to feel relieve
It will remain like this is my belief

Is it running away my only scape
Cause can't handle being under that cape

Who ever read this, if you're in a cold place don't complain about that; because these 28° C are even a relieve.

Heat is awful, heat is dirty, heat is insufferable.



LOL WE'RE DYING

You won't believe me but this spring is being a nightmare.

We've had temperatures from 28° C to 36°C, this is unbearable.

I miss the cold days in which I could ise sweater without dying under the sun, even that those days make me so lazy.

I realized 6 weeks remain to be free from this nightmare, not 5 so that post two weeks ago should have been 8 weeks more 😖.

THE SKY THIS MORNING

I write just to share this photo of the sky this morning, this makes me feel hopeful, some day it will be cold and some day I will move from this country, I strongly. believe it.

Today was a tiring day but it's one less day.

JUST SIX MORE WEEKS

The end is finally coming, my internships days are coming to their end, I only have to go 10 weeks more but!!! I'm just counting the week before finishing school, so they are jusy 6 weeks, 6 freaking weeks dude! I think I'm gojng to cry.

Then the remaining weeks will end as quick as they start. So I'll have time to do all my stuff, including improving my blogg entries and etc.

I'm so hype for recovering my freetime again.

I hope I do all the things I say I'll do.

Yes!!!!!

L'ULTIMA VOLTA/ THE LAST TIME / LA DERNIER FOIS

 MONDAY 16th, MAY 2016 (29° C CLOUDY WITH SUN)

Last saturday I was thinking, this August is going to be my last year at University and it may be my last moments as a student, my last long summer vacations, my last holydays.

Then everything is going to be hard, find a job, save money,  check the paperwork for the residence permit,  you know to move to Canada, I don't know if I'll do a master's degree or not.

But I'm not sure how I'm going to do those things, I do want to study more languages, I do want to do a master in something, I do want to find an new job and I do want to move to Canada but I have no idea how to start, how to find the right people and how to build up my future.

This is big deal and my laziness too tho.
But I will hurry for my future!

Je vais morir! Je voudrais aller au Canada!

 ITALIAN VERSION, WHY? BECAUSE I FELT LIKE DOING IT.


ALLORA, IN ITALIANO!

Sabato scorso ho pensato, ques Augusto sará Il mio ultimo anno a l'universitá e forse sono i miei ultimi momenti come studente, le mie ultime vacanze di verano, i miei ultimi giorni festivi senza scuola.

Poi tutto sará dificile, trovare un lavoro, risparmiare denaro, controllare quelle scartoffie  per ottenere il permeso di residenza a Canada, non so se farò un master o non.

Però non sono sicuro come vado a fare quelle cose, Io ci voglio imparare più lingue, vorrei fare un master in qualcosa, vorrei trovare un buon lavoro e voglio vivire a Canada ma no ho idea di come cominciare, cometrovare a la gente corretta e come construire il mio futuro,

Questo è un grande affare, sebbene come la mia pigrizia.

Ma mi sbrigherò per il mio futuro.

I HAVE MUCH TO LIVE, THIS IS JUST A MOMENT

I want to say sometime honest, since a long time ago I've wanted this to be a videoblog on youtube, I always thought It would go good, because I thought I had that intrapersonal intelligence that makes Vloggers being liked.

But I was too shy and I was too afraid of being hated, or critized or judged for the way I speak or look or the way I think or even the country I'm from. And I killed that idea with my negative thoughts.

That's one of the most important reasons why this blog exists, because I needed that, I needed to fill the gap, I needed to tell someone what was going on with me, I wanted to be heard by unknow people who give me their opinions and who show some love for the things I do.

These have been rough days, I've been in places where I don't want to do, I've been forced to do things I don't want, I've force to lose my time in things I don't care about and the most important, a year of my youth have been taken away.

But I have a long way ahead and I have lot of things to tell, wether if there is or there is not people to read me.

I don't like this country at all and I don't want to be here anymore, my aim is to live in Canada which I consider a great country, I hope they accept me and I hope to feel accepted and perfectly feet somewhere there, I want to become a Canadian eventually. I study languages, which involves things like language teaching, translation, dubbing, interpretation, LTO management and etc. I hate getting tan and the heat. I like sweaters I thing I don't have friends and I'll probably never get married. I have lots of hobbies like learning to draw, tumblr, photography, fitness, learning Russian, homemade dubbing, this blog, videogames and music. Despite all that I'm shy but a kind and noble person when you get to know me, I can be really special for someone who's worth.

I have a lot to tell here and I won't stop untill I achive my biggest dream prior mentioned, well that's just a part of it.

I'll always come back no matter how many days I don't write.

FINALLY!!!!

This was supposed to be published yesterday but sometimes the drafts simply do not want to be published.

There was a failure and son on, I had written that God gave us some fresh days, I wish more of these but I as I know there won't be many I wish bein in Canada, this reminds me that I have to translate and old entry to English and publish it.

They one about the strange feeling that things like  photos, music or memories make me feel, it's like a yearning sensation. I don't know but it feels beatiful and horrible at the same time.