miércoles, 27 de enero de 2016

MY PLACE CAN BE BEATIFUL TOO


Today I was walking home and I was really amazed by the weather and how gloomy looking the sky and street looked. I thought I shouldn't complain a lot about the weather in my city because it can be awesome too, I mean look at the photograph it looks pretty good if you love stormy days, cloudy or dark windy days. 

I'm really sorry because I'm not even being loyal to myself writing blogs to have my memories here but I've felt really wordless these days, I don't know what to write but my thoughts of complain about my family.

Now I can say I'm really lonely, I have no friends but it's because I chose not to have them since I have no trust in anybody. I have more time to think and doubt of myself. And videogames.




The photo is blurry because I hurried to take it.

jueves, 21 de enero de 2016

A SHOOT OF MY HEAVENLY WALK LOL

Here you have a photo of my afternoon. My city may not be beautiful, but this quite street got me. :)

THOUGHTFUL WALK

This... Err...I've been very thoughtful about my future and myself, I don't know if I can do what I want to do.
But the problem is that I don't know what to do, I need a purpose these days, I am on vacations this my first week of three and I have to do the internship and I deeply feel I'm wasting my youth.

But the worse thing is that even though I wouldn't know what to do at home, those thoughts were killing me and I just took the closest way out, I was walking to the school where I do the internship thing, then I stopped and thought aboutgoing for a long walk to clear my mind and feel alive, cause I've been feeling dead.

It was great, is not that I felt new. Something made me feel so energized and alive and the song that were playing on my phone were pretty accurate to my thoughts. 

It was different.

jueves, 14 de enero de 2016

WORTHLESS?


I haven't written anything since last year and I blame procrastination, it's the most terrible thing ever!

I don't really care if I am writing to none,I don't care if none reads me and I'm crazy talking to none, I just need to write this, have you felt like blessed and cursed at the same time?, like you hate everything and you're confortable with that at the same time.

I thing this life is driving me crazy, I feel like there are two parts of me and one believes that everything I'm doing is going to be worth to leave this country and look a different life, and that I can bear anything and anyone but I have this part that lost his motivation and hates everything, the trivial and every day  things are suffocating, in that desperation I feel the need to be alone and weird.

I've just had a test a half hour ago about Charles Dickens's "hard times" and I feel like everything has to do with everything, I think I should do what I want but I can't and also do what I don't want but I need to.

I need some rest but I can't, my last exam is tomorrow and I'll have three weeks free, but I have to go to that miserable place where I am internshipping or whatever, what a big waste of time.

I really need to be alone, or at least with someone who truly understands me, so we can sumerge in our deepest thoughts and figure out things.

I feel I just need to do what I think is correct for me, and not to let anyone tell me what
to do, and also not to feel bad if people judge me for the decisions and actions I take.


jueves, 31 de diciembre de 2015

ANOTHER YEAR HUH?


So what are you planning to do?
Are satisfied  of  2015?
Did you do all what you wanted to do?
Are you the same from the beginning of the year?
Is there anything you regret of?
What and why?



Whatever your responses at this questions are. Let's Fresh Start this 2016!
What do you think?

miércoles, 30 de diciembre de 2015

COLD?


Our winter is disappointing, it's not raining and it's not cold, it's like it wasn't winter It feels like summer:(, I'm looking forward to moving to a cold place:).


This image says I'm not exaggerating



martes, 29 de diciembre de 2015

EXPECTATIONS FOR NEW YEAR

THURSDAY, 29th DECEMBER, 2015 (26° c)

What would you like 2016 to be?  because I don't really what can I do for the next year, I hope you're better than me at knowing what you can achieve,  maybe I'm wrong but I feel limited to what I can do depending on my parents and not having money and little free time.

But I guess I can improve my languages and keep an exercise routine, the last one seems tough now that I hurt myself doing abs.

What do you want to do and how?

I wish you a happy new year, I hope you're great and enjoy the little things!

sábado, 26 de diciembre de 2015

WINTER / INVIERNO / L´HIVER / INVERNO / VINTER / зима

The winter started a while ago but I forgot it so here is how winter is in my city, it rains a little but lately it's been really sunny, which I hate.
This was today's morning.


Winter in Mexico

DREAMS AT NIGHT

SATURHDAY, 26th DECEMBER, 2015 9:10 AM (25° c CLOUDY)

I know l must have written about Winter and Christmas but I'll write th along the day, at least I'll try but i decided to start with this one because I've just woken up from one strange and large dream and It was meaningful and it's got lots of meanings.

I going to tell you but it has to do with the apocalypse according to Bible and also to my crazy head, well at the beginning  I was back to what it barely looked as the high school where I studied with my old classmates, I was with my old friends kinda fooling around saying nonsenses, when we looked through the window the clouds had strange shape and colour, it was a really big hand reaching a big sword in the sky, we all left the place intermediately and i was just with a friend, as I know that was the final day as we were running on the street I was asking God for forgiveness  and regretting of my sins then I told my friend no matter what happens he could have a second opportunity to go to heaven but he will suffer before going and that he refuses any offer from devil  to be taken out from the suffering.

Then he went on his way home and stayed alone waiting for the bus, because the society was still working as well as the public transport, no taxi driver wanted to take me to where I live they said "to the Divina Providencia your crazy!" and I had to wait for lots of buses to pass until I got on the right one who took me to home, there was no long trip I just teleported to my room as it's a dream so that happens, well back at home I was in  my room and I saw the sky it  was orange, purple and volcano looking and there was big machines at the distance ones closer than others, they looked like farm machines collecting something, as they were collecting the things they were moving forward, my parents were downstairs and everything was dark and colourless looking, I can remember what we were doing or talking but then my sister arrived and one of the machines arrived to our home by breaking a side wall, then I discovered what they did, somehow you get into the machine and it takes out gold pieces regarding to the good things you have done in earth and if the pile of gold pieces is big is better, I saw my mom first getting her gold pieces they were enough I think but when my day got his pieces they where a lot like a many and he started to say that life is sometime about what you do about others and so on, I did get my gold as I was afraid of not to get enough.

We stayed at home, a while nothing happened I was thinking when would we go to heaven?, then my father's pile of gold turned into a doll a pretty creepy doll and my mothers into something else that I can't remember but it was creepy as well and they moved and were trying to hurt us in the living room of our house and I don't remember much of what happened next but then the next station, I think we separated in the city or in some point were we were going to a place were we wait for a response, some kind of waiting room for heaven or hell. 

That place was huge it was like a hotel reception but big and quite white with a reception ahead and it had a lot of doors and other levels with more doors, it was clean looking and mysterious at the same time,  the entrance doors behind us were made of glass but we could only see a intense white radiance, I was now with some classmates from university, in the kind of purgatorio but not at all because there was another machine but this time it was like a big  white box with a window and if yo entered the box it would count your pieces and you'd be send to your respective destiny, heaven itself or hell. I saw a teacher of my getting in the machine, but she was mean (in my dream) as she was in the machine she was saying all the bad things she's done, something about telling a gardener something and she only got like 10 or 12 pieces of gold and disappeared, there were wine sofas all over the place and most of us were waiting sitting an talking as we did want to get our pieces, then I herd a partner from a higher semester that I recognize for being clueless talking about that place, she said that place was eternal and that we could stay there forever but somehow I deeply knew that wasn't true and I told them what I thought, I don't remember what I said only that I said so.

Some of my classmate were tired of waiting in that boring place, so some of they were like getting their pieces and accepting their final destination and disappearing, then some of us had some kind of classes because we opened one of the doors and it was like a classroom but with no teacher we were sitting and fooling around, were just like 6 or 5 five, and we were like accepting that we would disappear and we needed to celebrate before, then I saw partners from a higher semester walking in front of the door through the reception hall, they were like walking determinated but they seemed not to know what was happening in that place or not to had a clue of what that place was and they were gone in a few seconds.

Then I went to the bathroom, they were normal bathrooms but I knew that actually not at all, then I left the bathroom and I was walking through the hall and the people who were "working" there were normal when suddenly a I saw a big angel appeared, It looked like those  from the Bayonetta game I played some kind of horn to warn everybody but all were normal and careless so I forgot it. Then I went to the classroom and everybody were gone, I was desperate looking fo them, I went to the stairs and I went down to look for them, I saw a lot of doors and then I saw my couch from middle school who tried to help me but we could find nobody so I started to shout out loud, I didn't want to be alone in that place, I went upstairs and search in some rooms, all were classrooms with just a few chairs but nobody was there, they seemed old and that many people have been there through years.

I find none, I was wondering where did everyone go, my friends, my family and all those people eho I was with.

Then I woke up.




The angel looked like this one




domingo, 20 de diciembre de 2015

DYING


SUNDAY, 20th DECEMBER 2015 (COMFORTABLE COOL WEATHER)

Have I ever said how much I hate Mexican sense of humor?, and I really hate it when it comes from people who doesn't know you, I think it's a despicable way of being friendly, most of the adults who do that are found detestable by me, I hate the situations in which my parents force me to be, I hate being at stupid parties with people with that kind of humor sense, annoying ladies who make fun of you because you don't feel like eating around those people by saying you'll get fat when you get married anyway, ask my husband, such a jerk I wanted to defend myself but my parents wouldn't like me to do that.

Well I wanted to say my vacations are really cool, the weather is perfect and I don't have to go to the school.
I hope I make the changes in my blog.

Enjoy your Christmas in advance!

sábado, 12 de diciembre de 2015

INCOMING CHANGES, VERY SOON (BLOG UPDATE)

SATURDAY, 12th DECEMBER, 2015 (24° C CLOUDY AND SPOOKY LOOKING)

Today, I know I have done some changes to my blog but as I've said in previous blogs, I have some plans for my blog,unfortunately the internship thing takes most of my time at afternoons ad these ideas require of time but there are some ideas that are just about having some time to develop them and then there will be there in the blog, I just have to go to school the next week and then I'll have three almost entire weeks.


I just had a flashback of some memories, just for you to know I think three or two Christmas ago my winter vacations were like very remarked by the game Alice Madness Returns, in those vacations I downloaded the game and finished it completely, and my perception of those day are like the game, dark, thoughtful, weird, dreamlike, intriguing, mysterious and otherworldly, It was because I played the game almost the whole vacations and those memories like mixed or mingled, don't know what word to use. And it was intensify because those days were dark, they were mostly quite windy, really cloudy and cold, like the game is some aspects. That's interesting.




Continuing  with the changes I think I will finally translate the blog in which I wrote the strange sensations and feelings that cause me certain things, it's quite. impressive and deep.It's important because it a big part of me, and I want to find someone who feels that thing, because they are a set of things and I cannot call it just a feeling or flashback, sensation etc., trust me it's pretty beautiful and torturing at the same time. I really hope to transmit the essence of the original text in Spanish to English.


Greetings! from Ezequiel,

Have a nice Christmas in advance!


miércoles, 9 de diciembre de 2015

WHO WANTS TO DIE WITH ME?



At this point things are getting messed up, I know I always say that but I think everybody is pressuring me, I feel nothing is worth, I want to run away even in this moment I don't want to go to the school, I don't want to see my partners, but I'm really fed up of all this.


Vacations look distant and short, just two days of vacations are miserable, I don't want to keep going, I just do it for my future and because I really love learning languages, BTW I even have no time to practise my French, this is serious, I'm thinking in not doing the another internship, yes there's two, one lasts one year in which you do anything in a any public government place and the other one where you do something related to your studies,

There should be more interesting things to talk about in this blog, but this is my life now. So I'm fucked up.

sábado, 5 de diciembre de 2015

CANNOT WAIT FOR THE SCHOOL TO FNISH


These day have been really cold, the wind it's been blowing so hard and the rain it's been so intense, today well I think it's gone but it's still a little bit cold. I really want the school to come to is end I'm really tired of it, I cannot write one more word, I don't want to do the homework, help me! just two weeks remain :9 and finally I will have some good rest.

Je suis désespéré, Je ne peux  pas plus!




                                   ENJOY YOUR CHRISTMAS IN ADVANCED!

martes, 24 de noviembre de 2015

DIARY NONSENSES


WEDNESDAY, 24th NOVEMBER, 2015 (23° C CLOUDY AND RAINY)

Hi everyone, sorry for being absent again in these few days, I've been enjoying the cold weather, yes cold weather it's been so pleasant from Saturday. Yesterday and today were very cold for a tropical zone like this. Maybe 22° C is not cold for most of the people but it's a relief in this part of Mexico, trust me and it's like a dream, like if I were living in a could place.

I've really thoughtful, I think I'm always like this but lately I've thinking about what I really like, I wonder if I chose to do what I really want and follow my likes no matter what everyone says would it be worth?, will I be happy and successful?

Well, I'd like to quit everything specially the intership thing, I still thing I'm doing them a favour by being there, that's why I don't feel guilty for skipping yesterday even thought that the dude in charge scolded us, I mean me and my partners.






martes, 17 de noviembre de 2015

TAKE ME AWAY!


Hi dear readers and future me I just wanted to say I'm here and I have a terrible headache so this is just a little update of my current day, today was just another crappy day in which I wish to be in another atmosphere, I hate studying here and the things that happen diary, like the heat I can't believe is Autumn, because the streets are so freaking hot and there is no trace of coldness,


I don't like saying this but I hate this place, for those who like Mexico don't come at least yo
u love extreme heat, otherwise look for other places, because you'll get a little of this desperation.