A BEAUTIFUL ANGUISH? (MUST READ)

(THIS IS A TRANSLATION FROM MY ORIGINAL POST ON NOVEMBER 9th 2014 at 9:43 A.M.)

Let's say that this is some kind of feelings, sensations and thoughts and memories mixed up in something that has no name.

"I don't know how to call this but I'd like to find someone who feels/thinks the same. Today (Sunday) I stop feeling sleepy at 7:20 P.M, I was just lying in my bed when a song came into my mind (this usually happens with a song/melody/tune in my mind) it was Young from Air Review at once it also triggered a sensation of yearning, melancholy, extreme homesickness, longing, situations, things I lived, dreams, wishes/desires, dreams, things I've seen and it also makes me yearn new things, things to see, to know, to hear, to feel and think. 

It kinda intensified with the fact that it was raining and a little bit cold and dark.

This "think" brings me "back", images of mental places that I've never been to but someway they're on my mind and it's like if I've had been there they look so real, so livid, they're really beautiful and diverse landscapes.  Some times I think I lived them on my past lives since they look so livid and real but I don't believe in past lives. Some of them give stronger sensations than others, they come up with certain feelings but there is a common feel of yearning between them, a longing to be there and see them with my own eyes and never leave.

Dreams also come to mind, but not any dream,  it is to say beautiful ones that I deeply remember.

I can barely describe one in which I am surrounded by 5'0" ft tall pine-trees and they are ordered in rows all over a ground covered in fog and the sky is also misty. And I'm just walking among them, and ruining, feeling the wet environment, and it's like if I could smell the pine trees and the humidity the mist leaves. I don't think anything neither I hear  much. Some would think it's nothing but each one is like a deep portrait, I have no idea if this portrays something else but for me they are part of a something that may not exist.

This "thing" mix of sensations and experiences don't leave me alone, something they last days and today's was strong, If I get distracted I don't think about them but they're there, I can assure it's not about drugs I have never done drugs, this is something mental, nothing happens in the real world.

It gets me sad, inspired, angry, intrigued, anxious, this is annoying but beautiful, too beautiful, I wish I could make people feel this, like me, it's like if I wanted to burst and divide myself into parts and go to those places, and watch'em  all the way and even the ones that don't  exist.

Most of the tine this is triggered into my mind by an image, a smell (but a strong and significant one), a situation or lonely rainy day, the last one is way I love the most and it gives me that strong sensation, sometimes is like a chain reaction and goes on.

Those are like my ghosts, that bring me peace, everything in my head is stranger and much more complex that I can describe in words, some of them are broken like they're  vanishing in oblivion. Gloomy but awesomely beautiful.

This is really cool and would never like to stop having this, they are so many pictures of memories and unreal places, I've been there alone I've been trying to find someone who feels this but I've got no luck.

This was translated from my original post and since then I haven't had a strong experience like this, everything it's been dry.