BECOMING LAZY!... MEEE??!! NO WAY!

 The days I realised something that is not very important but it's necessary: my sentences are too long.
 

As something curious there's 4 different people that have told me so and in different languages. 

First my Translation teacher told me so like 2 years ago, I was translating long pices of text into ne sentence, then my English teacher in my writings.

 2 weeks ago my APA techer (yes, the one who guides us into the amazing world of APA quotation I don't know what else) she told me my sentences were occuping alsmost a whole paragraph... which is  wrong. And today my  French Skype teacher told me the same in my wirting task and yep maybe I should start using the point. I'm terible at punctuation BTW, I must be butchering the language or at leat the punctuation in English.

The point in this blog is that I think I'm becoming lazier, well that or I'm still having a hard time getting used to this schedule, cause I used to do all projects in advanced but now all I want to do is look at someone's eyes and say... sorry I had to write that song and sing it mentally. Being serious I all want to do when I get home is doing everything but homeowork, self study or projects.

Someone would have to help me like this..

BUTTERFLY EFFECT IT'S ON ME BUT NOT AT ALL

 Wednesday 14th, September 2016 (30° still hot


I found out that something I've been fascinated with has shown up on my life

So I've taked about the butterfly effect in a previous blog but back then I didn't think of it as something that also happens to me. Well it is to say that it happens to everyone but I gave it some thought and some of the things that I've chose to do had an impact in my life, I think my path is getting more clear. 

When it comes to my mind, I think the decisions I´ve made had a repercution on my mind, I think things around me are really shaping me into the final me you know. I think I have finally some of my thoughts, ideas and ideals are like defining.

In my sourroundings everything looks messed up, it's like upside down, things I do wrong seem to have good repercutions and vice versa, and sometimes it's normal, that's what I don't understand.

Time's is shorter and some people seem to be taking their time to do everything and some other seem to hurry  and go with this short time. I personally would like to stop and breathe but that's anotehr topic that i'll cover this week and another more that write about tomorrow.

 Tomorrow's Mexico's independence day  and I want to share some thoughts with my blog and of course  woth you my ghost readers.

So

-Stay yourself! bye! 

A BEAUTIFUL ANGUISH? (MUST READ)

(THIS IS A TRANSLATION FROM MY ORIGINAL POST ON NOVEMBER 9th 2014 at 9:43 A.M.)

Let's say that this is some kind of feelings, sensations and thoughts and memories mixed up in something that has no name.

"I don't know how to call this but I'd like to find someone who feels/thinks the same. Today (Sunday) I stop feeling sleepy at 7:20 P.M, I was just lying in my bed when a song came into my mind (this usually happens with a song/melody/tune in my mind) it was Young from Air Review at once it also triggered a sensation of yearning, melancholy, extreme homesickness, longing, situations, things I lived, dreams, wishes/desires, dreams, things I've seen and it also makes me yearn new things, things to see, to know, to hear, to feel and think. 

It kinda intensified with the fact that it was raining and a little bit cold and dark.

This "think" brings me "back", images of mental places that I've never been to but someway they're on my mind and it's like if I've had been there they look so real, so livid, they're really beautiful and diverse landscapes.  Some times I think I lived them on my past lives since they look so livid and real but I don't believe in past lives. Some of them give stronger sensations than others, they come up with certain feelings but there is a common feel of yearning between them, a longing to be there and see them with my own eyes and never leave.

Dreams also come to mind, but not any dream,  it is to say beautiful ones that I deeply remember.

I can barely describe one in which I am surrounded by 5'0" ft tall pine-trees and they are ordered in rows all over a ground covered in fog and the sky is also misty. And I'm just walking among them, and ruining, feeling the wet environment, and it's like if I could smell the pine trees and the humidity the mist leaves. I don't think anything neither I hear  much. Some would think it's nothing but each one is like a deep portrait, I have no idea if this portrays something else but for me they are part of a something that may not exist.

This "thing" mix of sensations and experiences don't leave me alone, something they last days and today's was strong, If I get distracted I don't think about them but they're there, I can assure it's not about drugs I have never done drugs, this is something mental, nothing happens in the real world.

It gets me sad, inspired, angry, intrigued, anxious, this is annoying but beautiful, too beautiful, I wish I could make people feel this, like me, it's like if I wanted to burst and divide myself into parts and go to those places, and watch'em  all the way and even the ones that don't  exist.

Most of the tine this is triggered into my mind by an image, a smell (but a strong and significant one), a situation or lonely rainy day, the last one is way I love the most and it gives me that strong sensation, sometimes is like a chain reaction and goes on.

Those are like my ghosts, that bring me peace, everything in my head is stranger and much more complex that I can describe in words, some of them are broken like they're  vanishing in oblivion. Gloomy but awesomely beautiful.

This is really cool and would never like to stop having this, they are so many pictures of memories and unreal places, I've been there alone I've been trying to find someone who feels this but I've got no luck.

This was translated from my original post and since then I haven't had a strong experience like this, everything it's been dry.

I HATE ROLLER COASTERS

31st WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2016 7:01 A.M.

In summary these weeks have been illuminatig since I have developed my tesis work, well the title ,what I want to study and it's been a progress so I feel a little bit relief about that 'cause I felt relly stress and restless when I had no clue on what was going on with all this.

Things at home are relly ugly, there is a bit of a tension atmosphere, things are hard these days and I just don't mess with anyone so I can be in peace.

Sometimes families suck!

I have no friends at school but I think a have a pair of good ones out of it, and other two that were great friends but we're too bussy as to find a time to talk.

I need a scheedule. I need to manage my time and this is going to be awful but otherwise I am not going to be able to do the right things at the right time.

LAST SCHOOL YEAR

Yesterday was the first day of my last year at university and I can feel the pressure of the Thesis and English and Fench certification.

This semester is going to be heavy and I am really tired, this is the beginning of my future, hope to be able to bear till the end.

That short paragraph is better than nothing.

-Stay Yourself

Bye!

THE KEY FOR MOST OF THE THINGS

This last year I've been influenced by some thoughts regarding to being an "adult", but it's not like putting aside my youth or leaving some "kid" things, it's just about thinking like an adult and doing the adult things that I have to do or the things that I want to do but invlove adult thinking ways, like moving to Canada, It's something I want to do but there are lots of paperwork and legal issues and money and trips.

I've been trying to get better at those things, when it come to responsabilities and duties I want to be and adult but I can still be a boy with all my grown up and unmature ways mixed.

The point is that I learned something important in life, something you know or at least has been told to you by an adult once in your life but you don't take it serious back then.

The thing is that patience is the key to improve in almost everything, well the most important factor, I've been literally doing things and being patience, even when you don't want to be, you just relax and keep trying. Just keep yourself doing it and that's it, it happened to me at video games and in improving my drawing skills and I thing I'm using that power for other things.

BY THE WAY

By the way, maybe some of  "you" have noted that I have another name, well I decided to start againg as a better person and my name was really wore out with the things I did wrong, from now I'm going to write down under the name of -Axl Forsberg, let's say he's a better person now, I would like to actually change my name but it's merely hard, so I'll just call myself like that.

If you wonder where that name came from, let's just say that they are just preferences, (I name I like LOL).

Something funny: like 2 years ago I used to do incognito things (not bad neither pervert things) under the name of Edmundo Dantés xD. I did the troll in some places and apps.

And also I just saw this image  and it's totally what my blog is and what I am, so I think I'll used it from now onwards:

THE INEVITABLE

Let's go to the point, these whole vacations I've doing what makes me feel good but most of the things just make me feel fulfilled for a while and that came to be disappointing.

It took me a while to realize, it's funny cause I've watching some movies that curiously show that kind of wrong feelings, but I realized that there are some other stuff that really matter and I know that it always seems to be like I'm learning the same thing twice or more times.

But I realized something important new about me (which is obvious but sometimes you just don't know) I'm just a 21 old boy that doesn't feel adult enough besause of the fact that looks like a 16 YO and becuase he's short and he also doen's feel young cause he's 21 and  I write this journal and as much as I don't want to call it a journal, IT IS A JOURNAL!!, I've been expecting that someting incredible  happens to me so I can write it down here and maybe to feel smug of my own personal life but the reality is that I'm going to die waiting if don't ever do something. That's no gonna happen by itself.

Yeah! This is a kind of journal and I don't need to live something impressive or special in order to write in my blog, this is one of the things that really mekes me feel fulfilled and I should be doing it more often. 

I feel I can express myself in a better way and I hope I will. I just wanted to share the whole summary of my crappy vacations and of course that's my bad.

A BIG ADVICE

I know, I've been away these last 2 weeks, I blame laziness and emptiness, I have been doing the things I wanted or rather just no sense  things.

I haven't written mainly because I had practically no thoughts, you know I don't care if is not transcendental but I do care about having a special thought but it's all blank.

It's all blank, I've been tireless thinking in loneliness, and how I don't want to see anybody in my class, I don't know why but I feel like tired of them, I would like to go away and meet new people. Well, for me that is like kinda impossible.


But.. there is something that stands out, an little advice that a really experimented men once told me, he asked me 'do you want to know the secret to stay young?', I said 'well, ok'. He said:

1. Don't drink
2. Don't smoke
3. Don't do drugs
4. Do not hate  
5. The last one was something related to hapiness or live the life which I would interpret as live every moment.

That is been stucked in my head these days and I'm trying to get my true me out of myself and do the things that my mind wants to do but my progress is very small but it's progress no matter how small.

Stay YOURSELF!                                                                                                             -Axl

THE EDGE OF PATIENCE

FRIDAY 15th, JULY 2016

If there's is something I can't take It's that someone thinks that he's got the authority (when he's not got it) to tell you whether you can go or not home and the nuts to say you did something wrong in front of people when it is clearly not true but you can prove it. And just to feel greater, mighty if I can say it.

Nightmares, headaches that's the only thing he causes me but I won't let that sit on my chest. He's gonna pay, not by my hands but by someone's, in the future, justice can be really accurate.
That's why I am trying to calm myself down.

It's curious cause as I am trying to believe in people and love each other as I love myself as bible says. I find that people* are not trustable and they can be hateful and depicable but I'll do my best, meanwhile I feel so much hate for that internship idiot.

I left that place being in so much rage but I don't care I alredy forgot everthing there

CONGRATS

MONDAY 4th JULY 2016 (WHAT SHAME IT'S SUNNY AND HOT 30°C)

I have to congratulate Canada and Canadians for Canada's Day this last 1st July.

Myself for aging 21 on Satudarday 2, I'm trying to feel young tho.

And today is 4th July, so happy 4 July to the USA.
 
I got early to internship so I'm making some not to be too early.

FINISHING UP INTERNSHIP EARLIER

THURSDAY 3Oth, JUNE 2016 (31° C SUNNY)

19 DYAS REMAIN TO END THIS FREAKING THING!!!

So I was told that I have 19 days to finish internship and those are great news, it's less than my previous count.

I decided to use this entry to tell you the awful things about internship herebin Mexico.

1.It's obligatory for last year high schoolers and universitarians.

2.Specially in my college you have to do two times the normal requirements, it means 1 year of internship and 6 months of practices (actually you do the same in both but this last one is supposed to be more professional oriented but it's the same awful thing)

3. They don't pay you, which is ok but they at least should give you money for transportation which is much money for me.

4. They treat you worse than and employer, and in my case as a kid from that freaking school.

5. I have to deal with kids and I waste my time and I don't learn what I need cause I don't want to be a damn techer.

DIARY OF THE GUY WHO GETS TOO EARLY

MONDAY 27th, JUNE 2016. (SUNNY 30° C)

Well I got to early to the internship thing.

So exams have just ended today and I couldn't wait for it to end, I kinda answeared the questions really quick, I didn't care if I were wrong or not, I wanted to get my ass out of that place.

And my 4 days vacations have started!!!! 🎉, don't get surprised I'll go to some kind of English workshop in order to prepare us for the certification and also for the French one and then I'll be free, but meanwhile I have these 4 days to chill out and I hope I figure out many things I have to think of.

Like how in the world I'm going to move to Canada?, I mean how am I going to do that? And will I ever be able to get a good job there? 😱  or how am I going to get money to get a house there? Is there any job program? .

Or how or when will I learn Rusian, Norwegian, Danish and German?

Or will I?

Yo know all that stuff, I need to reinforce my Italian, practise English and French.
Practise drawing and learning to drive.

I have short movie project that has been postponed sice last winter vacations, idk if it is still ongoing.

Well that and even more! It's gonna be a thoughtful week. Well at least I'm busy😛.

IT'S GETTING OVER

THURSDAY 23rd, JUNE 2016 (25°)

It's been some time since I last wrote here but well, now school is almost over but I already have no projects, no homework, no suffering.

6 weeks remain to finish the internship and I can't wait more.
Anyway I'll have vacations in 2 weeks more and I hope to get my blog updated at least 4 times in a week.

I want to do a lot of things and you know that story, everybody has a list but just a few actually do what is on it.

Let's believe that I won't be lazy and I will be able to to my mine.

THIS BLOG WRITER'S CURRENT TRAIL

By this time I've been doing lots of things, thinking lots of thing but what is more important, spending much money.

These are the final days of my antepenultimate university year, I've finishing up my projects and homework, I'm half ready for this summer vacations, I've got t on mind the things I want to do but i need to put it on papper 'cause otherwise I'll feel lost.

Next week is the last work day, then i'll just have to go to exams for 6 days and that'll be it. Those are my duties but what about me? am I doing OK?

I'm really looking forward for this summer to be like a kind of fresh start again, I'd like to clear my mind and do things bettert, comming back on August I'll just have three more internship weeks and the torture will have come to an end. I'll have my spare time on afternoons.

But getting back to the summer, I'll hope to definitely learn to drive, improve my drawing skill and my languages, I want to start studying whether it be Russian or Norwegian, photography. Getting back to my Basketball thoughtful afternoons and try to think of my future seriouly, I don't kwon if I´ll study another thing or to work  and my getway to Canada?

I don't know what am I gonna write during these remaining 2 weeks, I feel like there's nothing but the thing that I don't want to do.

By the way I want to annouce my current liking to Troye Sivan's album Blue Neighborhood, I can't say it what happens to me, but I do want to live this small place which I have no future vision of me  in

Please someone tell me I am not too old to be lost in mind, I don't want to be mindless in the eyes of anyone.

What's right with me is that now I know I have to appreciate every single moment and to live every single minute of the rest of my life. But how? are my introvert likes living in the real way?